Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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