Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
