I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
