Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
