btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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