I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
