god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
