Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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