get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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