For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
