well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
