I skipped work to stalk him.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
