Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I need a beard to bite.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
