so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
