Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
