Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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