gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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