I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Randomize
