So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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