We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
