Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
