They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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