Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
