I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
