Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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