Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Life is so much better after having sex.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
