So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
