Four minutes until I can fart!
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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