I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
No I am not eating basil off your cock
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
