Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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