Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Randomize
