P.S. I can't hear my feet
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
