Rock
Scissors
Fuck
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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