im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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