I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
