I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
