i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
