im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
