What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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