When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
