"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
You may now shotgun with the bride
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
