You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
