I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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