he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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