a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
