If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
