Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
