I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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