So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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