It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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