My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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