Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize
