i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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