ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
