clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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