If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
