dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I think I won the penis lottery.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
